We visited him that afternoon - we were so blessed to be able to see him one last time. I kissed him, told him that I loved him, and told him not to worry about anything - I would always be there for my Aunties.
He passed away at 8:45pm that night.
I love you, Uncle Duke.
Rest In Peace.
]]>My Uncle is losing his battle with prostate cancer. He has been fighting it for over 20 years and with his medication, had it under control. Until about 6 months ago.
He looked thinner...he was tired...and a little cranky.
After getting all the blood work done, the doctor could see the something was going on. The medication that he had been taking for over 20 years was no longer effective and the cancer had spread to his bones. He was determined to fight it and get stronger...but this damn thing got the better of him.
He can't get out of bed and can barely talk. He isn't eating much anymore, but is still taking small sips of water and juice. The pain in his body is so unbearable - morphine is now administered to help him sleep.
My Auntie, his wife, is just so sad...I can't imagine losing the love of my life. The mere thought gives me a knot in my stomach and tears flood my eyes. My other Auntie, his sister, is stronger than I have ever seen her.
We went to see him Thursday night with the boys...he LOVES his great-nephews. I couldn't believe how thin and frail he was...but I smiled. I gave him kisses and brought the boys to him. He opened is eyes and he looked happy to see us. I told him that I loved him and would he just get stronger so we could take him to Carson City? Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I swear he winked at me.
After the boys wake from their naps, we will head over this afternoon and spend some time with him. We'll watch the football games because he enjoys them so.
That man has been like a father to me since my Daddy died in 1989 and Mom followed 3 years later. Life without him will be strange.
I just keep thinking in my simple way that he is on his way to see his brothers, his parents, and joke around with my Mom like he used to.
Oh Uncle. I just love you.
That's all.
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For the most part, everything is good. The one exception:
I've been frantically working to get my Virtual Assistant business up and running, but that was waylaid by some financial issues. The economy has taken its toll on me, that's for sure. Long story short - my brother used my credit and his income to buy a house. I should have listened to the folks that warned me about it, but I didn't and am paying the price. The house is in foreclosure. I'm petrified that this will affect the house I live in now, so I am working with a real estate attorney. Please send all your good thoughts my way.
Now for the GOOD:
My little man was 4 months old on the 20th. He now weighs 16 pounds and is 26 1/2" long. I am so grateful that he is happy, healthy, and thriving.
I turned 41 on the 22nd. Happy Birthday to me! We didn't do anything spectacular, but it was lovely nonetheless. My fiance made Beef Milanese, I made a yummy salad and we enjoyed a low-key evening at home. What a man!
We are adopting my fiance's newborn grandson. His daughter isn't in a position to raise him, so we are going to. Joseph Peter was born on 10/26/08 and he's been with us since. What a sweet angel...and Bobby is enthralled by him! It is really cute - he stares at him, babbles a bit and then wants to touch. We have to be careful with that, though. Bobby is so much bigger!
Part of me is scared - can I raise two infants 4 months apart without losing my last remaining marble? I hope I do a good job - these boys need me and I won't let them down. I just keep thinking - What would my mother do?
The other part of me is elated - these 2 boys will be the best of friends - they'll fight, but they will most definitely look out for each other.
It is hectic, crazy, sleep-deprived and overwhelming at times, but oh so worth it.
I finally have everything that I want or need.
xoxo
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I have read articles on a boat load of websites and in magazines about organization, motherhood, writing, creativity, cooking, etc. and so forth.
Oprah, Martha, Rachel Ray, Parenting, Family Circle, Woman's Day...
My house is still a sty. I am still obscenely unorganized. Oh yeah, I still have writer's block...which has been my constant companion since 2003, when I graduated from college with a degree in English Literature and finally determined that I LOVED writing.
Since that revelation, all the creative muses have taken a hike. I do have faith that I'll get it back again, once I set aside some time to focus.
For now, it is all about my son. He is thriving...he's happy and healthy, "talks" up a storm and LOVES his Baby Einstein mat.
Now that I think about it, taking care of him is really all I need right now.
Hello, my name is Julie. I'm a disorganized, loopy, crazy mama.
Pleased to meet you.
xoxo
Seriously, I don't give a rat's ass about anyone's political ideology. Anyone registered to vote will choose the candidate that represents their beliefs and hopes for this nation. Great. That is what America is all about - and most definitely, register to vote!
However, I take issue with the mean-spirited, hateful, dare I say it, BIGOTED comments.
Although I was raised in San Francisco, CA (my Dad was born and raised there), I have ties to the South and most definitely, to small town life. My mother was from a teeny town in Missouri, her father's family was from Tennessee and I have cousins who live all over the South.
My mother was open-minded, kind and gave everyone a chance. She loved all kinds of music, film and literature. Wow, what a concept! A small town girl who actually enjoyed the arts!
I can't vouch for rest of my family, but the ones that I know are NOT STUPID, backward, don't run moonshine, haven't married their cousins, don't chase people with their bibles or shout "TAAARGET PRACTICE" and wave their guns overhead with the Confederate Flag. Good Lord.
When people perpetuate these stereotypes, they make themselves look like idiots. To me, it is some kind of superiority complex.
I try very hard not to judge people - doesn't always work and I sure as hell slip and say some things I'm not proud of. But I try to give people a chance.
Please, think before you speak.
My body still bears the signs of pregnancy - some stretch marks on my belly, sore joints, fingers are still a bit swollen - but all of that is slowly dissipating. I'm working on the extra weight - it is coming off steadily.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I will deal with all of this gladly because of my son. My body produced this amazing child who is now 25 inches and 13 1/2 pounds.
Yes, the boy hates Tummy Time like I hate exercise. But both must be done! :) He can hold his head up while lying on his tummy...and he even scoots around in a circle. He is fun to watch as he focuses on objects...the sheer determination in those eyes as he grabs for toys keeps me mesmerized. He "talks" to me throughout the day with his cooing and smiling...and he laughs out loud when I make goofy faces. I have so much fun with him!!
We sing silly songs and dance around the living room. We take walks around the neighborhood in his spiffy stroller/carseat combo. I hold him close and kiss his head when he cries and tell him how much he is loved.
This little man has stolen my heart.
Happy Birthday, Bobby. Mama loves you.
xoxo
Why am I up this early? Hell if I know...I just can't seem to stay asleep this morning.
But I've had my one cup of coffee for the day and I'm slowly starting to wake up. I also enjoyed my 2 slices of toast and peanut butter...don't know why that has become my breakfast of choice lately, but it fills me up and it is only a 4 point breakfast. Since I've given birth on June 20, I'm down 49 pounds!!
I do wish I could have one more cup, but I don't want to aggravate my little man with the caffeine. He is sleeping soundly in the bassinette and looks like a little angel.
So, since I'm absolutely all over the place with this entry and boring everyone to tears, I might as well make my focus list for today right here, right now.
That's it for today. Any more and I might not do one damn thing.
#7 popped into my head last night. I wondered why I was feeling so out of control when I started any project and it finally dawned on me. Every single room looks like it is bursting at the seams. I haven't hung one picture on any wall since we moved in over a year ago. I have crap EVERYWHERE...stacks of magazines that I want to read but haven't yet, books I love but haven't read in years, mail, bills, cat toys, baby stuff...and there are a pair of shoes in almost every room - not put away, mind you. Just kicked off and left there until someone decides they're needed.
Holy Moly...I wonder why I can't get anything done.
More later, but have a fabulous day!!
xoxo
I've been reading some of my favorite blogs and they all seem to do it!! In fact, Carmen over at Mom to the Screaming Masses updates her blog almost every day and SHE HAS SIX CHILDREN. SIX!!!! I have one and I'm totally discombobulated.
Good Lord.
I did make a decision today and I think it is a good one - set aside at least 30 minutes to update my blog and start getting serious about writing.
Seriously. I've been yammering about writing for a very long time...it is time I do something about it.
Stay tuned.
xoxo
But I shall try.
I know I "do things" throughout the day. I must, because my baby is happy and healthy, bills are getting paid on time, clothes are being washed and everyone is fed.
But my desk is a swirling mess of paper. Stuff to be filed, stuff to be shredded, stuff to be recycled and stuff that should just be thrown OUT.
I have a stack of paper to be shredded. This stack is growing steadily in the corner of the desk like the man-eating plant named Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors. If I hear "FEEEED MEEEE", well....it is too late. My number is UP.
The computer that is on my desk is useless. I need to take the important documents off the hard drive and just get rid of it. Of course, I've been saying this for the past year and there it sits, mocking me.
I have to get serious with my planner. I used to have a total love affair with my Franklin Covey day planner. Franklin and I were inseparable. I LOVED him.
Since I no longer work outside the home, the planner was just too much. I downgraded to a simple, artsy planner that I THOUGHT would be ok. I'm not thrilled with it...my heart still belongs to Franklin.
Yet I need to make it work and just get over it. It is a perfectly good planner - it just isn't my Franklin.
Tonight is the night to map out my day tomorrow. I will make a list of every single thing that I think must be done in my life. That has to be my first step. How can I get anything done if I'm not sure what it is I need to do?
From there, I can break it down even further. I need to see what has to be done daily, and what can be done weekly, monthly, etc.
I know...I'll keep track of it on my blog.! This way, I can see exactly what I've done daily as I spruce up the site...and of course just ramble on about my usual crap.
I think I've stumbled onto something...hmmm.
We'll see...wish me luck!
xoxo
True, I've been a big girl all my life. By the time I was 13, I was 5'10" and over 180 pounds...not fun. I developed an eating disorder when I was 16 - Bulimia - and managed to get to 149 pounds in the most reckless and unhealthy way possible. I dieted like a fiend and "got rid" of dinner. I wasn't taking a multi-vitamin, so my health suffered. I am still paying the price - I have advanced gum disease, I've lost the enamel on my front teeth and my stomach is a mess.
I stayed at 149 pounds for probably all of a day. Once I graduated high school and began working, the weight slowly crept up until I hovered at 170. Seems high, huh? Well, like I said, I'm a big girl...there is nothing petite about me.
I think I look pretty good at that weight.
So, my mission - and I choose to accept it - is to get my fat ass down to 170 pounds. Yes, I had a baby 2 months ago - I need to be kind to my body. That means that I won't overdo it because my body is still recovering.
I DID manage to lose 34 lbs so far, so I am pleased with myself for that. But since I gained 80 pounds during my pregnancy and my little man only weighed 8 pounds 14 ounces, I have a LONG way to go.
But I can do it.
I have joined Weight Watchers and will start actually writing down what I eat, when I eat it, how and when I exercise...and I will most likely be jotting down my thoughts and feelings during this ordeal program.
I will keep you updated!! Keep your fingers crossed and send all your happy thoughts my way!
xoxo